mzsa: (Default)
was very telling. I was sitting in bleachers on the beach in L.A. with a crowd of people. we were watching a surfing contest.

At first the waves were mundane, gentle swells. and for a while the waves were gone altogether; the sea was glass. Then, out of nowhere came these Monstrous swells, they shot straight into the air and came down with a crash, pummeling the unsuspecting surfers. The crowd issued a collective gasp of shock. I found myself terrified as the water rushed up the shore to the bleachers. I was afraid I would get sucked out to sea, so I moved up one step on the bleachers. I noticed there were people around me. There was a manicurist on one side, or at least I assume he was because he immediately took my right hand and began massaging the cuticles of my fingers and trimming my nails and digging things out from under my fingernails. On the left was another man. he began telling me how lovely I was, how attracted he was to me. I couldn't believe my ears. Why in a town so notorious for it's Eating Disorders and superficiality, was this guy so interested in me? I'm not unaware of my charms, I'm cute; nice face, big boobs, but I am a woman of a certain size, ie not a barbie doll. So I asked him, "What's your problem? are you some sort of Chubby Chaser?" The guy looked at me, somewhat offended, hurt even. he had really liked me but somehow that wasn't enough for me. I couldn't believe that I could be what he wanted. I suddenly realized that he wasn't the one with the problem.

I was.

March 2008

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